The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
