I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
