so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize