After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
