You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
