I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
