I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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