So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
