I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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