she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
