Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
