dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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