do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
