Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
