Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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