Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
