Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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