Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
