i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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