So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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