We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
