after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
