i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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