so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
