I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
