i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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