I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
