If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
