Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
