alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
