The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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