Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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