Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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