And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
