In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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