i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
