Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
