Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
