He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Randomize
