you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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