she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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