literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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