i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
