my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
