one two three fourrrrnication!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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