Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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