i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize