hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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