grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
