porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
