it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
