a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
