Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am available for nakedness
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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