This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
