you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My vagina is officially offended.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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