its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
