He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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