We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
