Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
