I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
