best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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