Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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