it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
