It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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