:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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