The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
