I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
