Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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