Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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