I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
