it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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