she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
