I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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