She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
