I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
